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if it’s five o’clock somewhere can I go home now?

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I drive them everywhere… they drive me crazy

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I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty mediocre at housekeeping

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parenting… when messing up your own life just isn’t enough

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the voices in my head are all demanding coffee

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you say “crazy cat lady” like it’s a bad thing

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if you’re going to kick ass, you need kickass shoes

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we go together like drunk and disorderly

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